Almost everybody has seen the Cosmopolitan headlines while they’re standing in line at the grocery store check out: “10 Ways To Drive Him Wild” or “8 Blow Job Moves He’s Never Tried,” but too often that advice can be outdated, inaccurate and not helpful.
Here are our quick and dirty recommendations for how to give incredible oral pleasure, taken from the Good in Bed Fellatio Mini-Guide, and from The Good In Bed Guide To Orally Pleasuring A Man by Emily Nagoski Ph.D., sex researcher and author of the bestselling book Come As You Are.
1. If you know you don’t enjoy giving blowjobs, don’t offer to do it. There is nothing sexier or more empowering than giving a partner pleasure. Although penis-owners almost universally love blow jobs (see 2), if you have strong negative feelings about putting your mouth on your partner’s genitals then don’t do it! There are other ways to give them pleasure. If, however, you are uncertain whether you like it or not, or if you lack, ahem, oral confidence, then read on!
2. Consider the visuals. Penis-owners love oral. It’s thought that this is because they are more visual, but it’s also thought that they enjoy having the pressure to please a partner off their shoulders. Either way, this is your cue to a) take the reins and b) give some thought to their visual experience. Lingerie or sexy boxers are nice and can be really empowering (there’s a reason it’s a huge and rapidly-growing industry), but if that’s not your jam you can also add to the visual factor in ways that don’t involve shopping. Making eye contact while you’re down there is a huge turn on for most and positions that allow for them to watch you while you work will amp up the visual factor to the nth degree.
3. The penis is a wonderland. What most of us think of as simply the head and shaft are in fact, several distinct erogenous zones that will create different experiences when touched in different ways. What you probably know as the head is actually called the glans and it has four distinct parts:
a) The urethral opening is pretty self explanatory, it’s where urine, pre-cum and semen come out (note that, just like with vulvas, all three substances are sterile and will not harm you in any way if they are licked or swallowed. Still feel icky? It’s totally kosher to ask your partner to wash up before bed.)
b) The corona is the curve at the base of the glans and it’s packed with nerve endings that are in the perfect location to exploit with your mouth.
c) The frenulum is a Y-shaped tendon on the underside of the penis below the corona where the foreskin connects (or used to connect to) the shaft, and it is super, super sensitive.
d) The sulcus is the narrow band of skin that connects the shaft to the corona and it is extremely sensitive as well.
4. Wetter is better. Lick your palms and/or squirt on the lube because there is nothing worse than dry friction for pleasure.
5. Act the part. Confidence and enthusiasm will triumph over inexperience any day. Making eye contact, moaning, touching yourself, and generally seeming like you’re having a good time will assure your partner that you are as into it as they are.
For more specific tips, check out “Who doesn't want to give the best blow job?” in Pleasing your man on Coral.