An open letter to penis owners everywhere

Hey guys,

Can you, just for a minute, put down the ruler and listen to us? We know that size is super important to you. From the time you were very young till now you had to show your junk to the other folks in gym class and public bathrooms, and we know that everybody was checking everybody else out, not (necessarily) in a gay way, but in a self-conscious way. According to Seth Stephens-Davidowitz in his book Everybody Lies, “Men conduct more [Google] searches for how to make their penis bigger than how to tune a guitar, make an omelet, or change a tire.”

It’s messed up that our culture has put so much emphasis on having a large penis, not only because it’s completely unrealistic (the average size is a little over five inches, after all) but because it’s not even close to what hetero vagina-havers want.

In a recent study by Kristen Mark and Ian Kerner, partners of men said that they valued “creativity (71.9%), sexual communication (77.6%), experience (69.1%), connection (76.6%), and attraction (61.9%)” over what caliber you’re packing.

Additionally, in a 2015 study where women chose their favorite specimens from 33 different 3D models, the most popular length was 6.3 inches for long term partners. ICYMI: that’s just a tad over average and significantly less than any member you might see in porn.

Speaking of… we need to talk about porn. We can’t say enough times that porn is fake and should not be considered a relevant source of information on how normal you are or what techniques you should try in the bedroom. I know that it’s mostly free and fun to watch, but it should not be considered a substitute for asking your partner what they want (and listening to what they say).

So if you want to have more and better sex:

Yours truly,

Penis lovers

Haven’t installed it yet?