The reason to keep having sex during the pandemic
Hint: it’s good for you
Written by Zoe Kors
There is nothing sexy about what is going on right now in the world. Life as we know it is rapidly coming to a halt as we sit at home watching. There isn’t anyone who isn’t affected either directly by the virus itself or by the socioeconomic fallout of the social distancing protocol. Anxiety, stress and general disorientation are at an all-time high. At a time when connecting with friends, loved ones and community are needed most, we are required to reinvent the way we lean into our relationships.
Sex is probably not top of mind at a time like this, and with good reason. Let’s face it, none of us have ever experienced the urgency of a global crisis like this in which we are allocating mental resources to what can accurately be framed as survival. Figuring out how to adapt our work, family and community lives is no small feat when even the safe procurement of groceries is a challenge.
But at the end of the day, there is only so much we can figure out. Our brains are needed to grasp rapidly changing data and synthesize information to support our adaptation and ultimately keep us safe. Bottom line: we need to give our brains a break.
Cultivating wellness in the pandemic paradigm must include access to a kind of wisdom that lives not in the intellect, but in the body. The most powerful way to do this is through the experience of pleasure, and, arguably, the most potent form of pleasure is sex.
The most empathetic of us might feel guilty indulging in pleasure while bearing witness to the kind of suffering so clearly evident during these times. While it might seem selfish to be sexual, it can actually be framed as generous. Shifting our perception of pleasure (and sex!) as medicine to nourish ourselves physically, emotionally and energetically, opens the opportunity to be of service more powerfully from a place of deep wholeness.
Continue reading for some suggestions on connecting to your sexuality right now.
If you are flying solo:
Set up a sexy date night with yourself. Set the scene. Power down all devices. Dim the lights. Put on a sexy playlist. Light candles. Wear a garment that makes you feel sexy. Pour your favorite beverage. Break out your favorite body oil. Spend a whole evening seducing yourself. You may want to start with preparing and feeding yourself dinner. Perhaps you would like to begin with a luxurious bathing experience. Whatever the details, the purpose of the evening is to immerse in the experience of pleasure through your five senses.
When it comes to making love to yourself, shift your self-pleasure script by slowing waaay down and bringing all your awareness to the physical sensations you are experiencing. See how long you can draw out a heightened state of arousal. Imagine that the energy your body generates through the arousal is medicine. See how extensively you can circulate that medicine through your body. When you allow yourself to experience orgasm, let your whole body release as deeply as possible. Notice the sensations not just in your genitals but in the tips of your toes and the top of your head. Lose yourself in the sensation.
If you are partnered:
Set up a sexy date night with each other. Take turns planning a date night for each other, or plan one together. Agree to a time when you will power down your devices and stop talking about the news. If you are parents with young kids in the house, you may have to put them to bed, retreat to your room and lock the door. Whether you plan to cook dinner together or take a shower together, let all conversation nurture love and romance, whether that means in the moment like, “you look so beautiful right now,” or reminiscent like, “remember that time we did that amazing thing together?” You might even opt out of talking entirely, spending the evening in silent connection.
When it comes to lovemaking, set the scene. Dim the lights. Put on a sexy playlist. Light candles. Wear a garment that makes you feel sexy. Pour your favorite beverage. Break out your favorite body oil. Slow waaay down. Take turns administering “pleasure medicine” to each other, where one of you gives and the other can fully receive. As the receiver, immerse fully in the sensations you are experiencing. As the giver, see if you can intuitively feel what your partner feels as you pay attention to their subtle verbal and non-verbal cues. When it comes to coming, allow your whole body to release as deeply as possible. Notice the sensations not just in your genitals but in the tips of your toes and the top of your head. Lose yourself in the sensation.
You might switch giver-receiver roles on separate evenings and plan to have intercourse on yet another night or you might do it all on one epic sexy date night. Whatever your desire, have fun, let go and nourish each other and yourselves.