One of the biggest roadblocks to a healthy sex life after cancer is plain old lack of desire. And low libido can be affected by so many things. But you can't allow your intimate life to fall victim to the health issues you're struggling with. It's not fair to you or your partner. Being proactive about fighting your low libido is important and, if you work hard enough at it, sex will become fun again. So what should you try?
Take the time to explore the various types of touch, taste, and smell that can bring you pleasure, and reawaken your more sensuous self. Take a bubble bath or get a deep tissue massage. Light some scented candles. Roll around in some clean, silk sheets. Take a long, hot shower. Whatever you choose to do, be extra mindful of what feels good... and revel in it. It's only one small step from enjoying the feel of your sheets to enjoying the touch of your lover.
Allow things to take a turn for the sexual. Find a time and a place where you can enjoy some extended privacy. Then, touch yourself with the aim of exploring what feels especially arousing. What you enjoy now may be different from what you enjoyed before going through cancer treatments, especially if you had to undergo surgery, or are experiencing pain or numbness. So caress yourself from head to toe. Don't neglect the backs of your knees, the space behind your ears, or your inner thighs. You may discover an erogenous zone you never knew you had!
If you've been in a sexual rut lately, have a chat with your partner about what's been holding you back from feeling sexy, what you miss about your intimate life together, and what you've been daydreaming about that really turns you on. Tell your partner about how you touched yourself, and how good it felt. Swap stories of sexual fantasies.
Practice not only improves sex but, the more you have sex, the more you want to have it. The converse is also true. The more you allow yourself to succumb to your low libido, the harder it becomes to get in the mood. So get busy getting busy! This is an opportunity to make your sex life a bigger priority. While it may seem like a bit of a chore right now, it will go back to being fun. You just can't expect it to happen right away. So start slow. Shoot for once a week. This is a good frequency to aspire to as a means of maintaining your intimate connection. After that? You may find yourself wanting it every darn day! Can your partner keep up?
Of course, you're not going to want to get your sex on if you found your previous routine boring anyway. And even if you didn't, trying new things can revitalize what you so recently lost.
If, after all this, you're still not feeling it, it may be worth it to seek out a sex therapist. He or she will be able to objectively evaluate the roadblocks you've been throwing up, and give you step-by-step instructions on how to bust them.