Dirty talk 101

Mental stimulation matters

Written by Jennifer Hanson
Sometimes, it can feel easier to communicate with your body during sex than with your words. However, talking dirty is an excellent way to fan the flames of your desire. The benefits of dirty talk extend outside of the bedroom as well by leading to more honest communication between partners. Even if you end up laughing about it, creating a space that is conducive to vulnerable, sexy conversation can take your bond to another level.

Straight talk first

Hopefully, you’ve had at least one candid conversation with your partner about your sexual preferences, but those aren’t stagnant, and it’s important to keep that conversation going. Having a discussion about trying new things like dirty talk can help keep you and your partner on the same sexy page. Your partner should be considerate of your wants and needs, but you don’t want to blindside them with something that they’re not prepared for. Evidence has shown that higher effective partner communication leads to higher sexual satisfaction.  

Sexual novelty can be beneficial for couples and talking dirty is a fiery way to switch things up in your sex life. Stimulating your imagination with dirty talk during sex enhances the experience by involving more senses. While filthy words and phrases heighten arousal, they also create a comfortable climate that reduces anxiety and increases excitement... Evidence has shown that feeling comfortable talking during sex lead to higher levels of satisfaction.This effect extends across the gender spectrum: a 2013 survey about sexual adventurousness in heterosexual couples reported that women were significantly more likely to have talked dirty (76%) than their male counterparts (63%). Likewise, 64% of women reported sharing fantasies with a partner, compared to only 51% of men. No matter what your bond looks like, both parties should be attempting to communicate their needs and desires in a style that suits them. For more reasons why you should consider dirty talk, check out this in-app exercise.
Before you jump right in, it’s important to make sure there are no words or scenarios that might make your partner uncomfortable. Be especially mindful of this if your partner has experienced sexual trauma, as certain words or situations can be triggering.

Word play

If you’ve never talked dirty before, you might not know where to begin.. Start by pinpointing some words and phrases you’d like to hear during sex, and remember that everyone’s preferences are different As you go through this process, consider your anatomy and how you like to refer to your parts and do the same for your partner. If you’re unsure, don’t be afraid to ask about their preferences.
These considerations are relevant to verbiage as well. Are you more partial to the word “fuck” or “make love”? Do you like being told what to do, telling your partner what to do, or a mix of both? If you’re feeling a little shy, this handy exercise should help you get started on the quest to find your favorite words. You can even go through it with your partner to circumvent the not-so-smooth process of finding their favorite words. Remember: knowing what to say to get you both going will make sex so much hotter!
If you’re still a little uncomfortable actually saying your words out loud, try saying them when you’re alone. This will desensitize you and help you avoid anxiety about it in the moment. Repeat them until you’re confident in what you want, or say them in different, saucy tones to help get prepared. Be assertive, and remember you’re safe to express yourself. Need an extra nudge? Watch sex scenes or porn to get some inspiration if you’re feeling nervous.

Getting personal

You’ve talked to your partner, you’ve picked out some words that you know will turn you on, and you’re ready to start talking dirty. While it’s tempting to get lost in the moment if you’re feeling prepared, keep your partner in mind, too. They may be new to this process and not feel quite as comfortable. Dirty talk doesn’t need to be a constant flow, so take it slow.
Talking dirty is basically sexy narration. Stay present and talk about events as they happen. Compliment your partner when they strip down or get louder when they’re doing something right. “Your tits look so fucking hot.” “Keep sucking my clit that way.” Describing the moment in a breathy voice can add electricity to the moment. Even noises like moaning or breathing heavy can help to keep things going in the right direction.
Dirty talking can seem intimidating, but jazzing up basic language is the first step. “It feels incredible when you fuck my pussy.” “Do you like it when I ride your cock?” “I want you to screw me over that table.” Complimenting, asking questions, requesting or demanding can work wonders when it comes to pushing each other further than you have in the past. Women especially are known to derive higher levels of sexual satisfaction out of being confident and assertive, so requesting or demanding something raunchy will leave you more satisfied. Don’t hesitate to tell them what you want!
Fantasizing can be another common component of dirty talking, provided you know that you and your partner are ready for it. Bring up a scenario where you’d like to have sex; exotic locales or places you shouldn’t can be particularly hot. Or, explore something a little more taboo like orgy or threesome scenarios (as long as you know that you’re both into it!) Once the conversation is flowing, don’t be afraid to explore your impulses..
Dirty talk takes communication with your partner to another level. While you might feel embarrassed, the ability to communicate in a different way can spearhead new sexual possibilities. By asserting yourselves, you’ll grow together.

For more specific ideas on how to talk dirty and get in the mood, check out our in-app guide!

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