By Ian Kerner PhD, LMFT
Every woman loves a good massage, right, but how about one that truly results in a happy ending, in this case a deep-tissue orgasm?
Like many sexual techniques, this spicy little combo can be delivered in a variety of fashions, but is probably best achieved via a mix of manual and oral genital stimulation.
First, start off with a solid foundation of clitoral stimulation. As my colleague Emily Nagoski writes in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, "Stimulate the clitoris up north, get lubrication down south. The clitoris extends everywhere throughout the vulva." When applying clitoral stimulation, remember it's not just what you do, but when you do it. My advice: start the clitoral stimulation off slowly and gently; think of it as a dance in which a woman leads. Less is more, and sometimes just providing a single point of resistance (while she does the majority of the work) is all you need.
Once you've created a steady base of clitoral stimulation, now add in some G-spot stimulation. To locate her G-spot, face your partner while she is lying on her back and insert your index or middle finger into the vaginal canal (about an inch or so) and press upwards. If it helps, think of the area as her "vaginal ceiling" just inside the entrance. The actual area of the G-spot is only about the size of a nickel, but because it's composed of erectile tissue, it will swell during sexual arousal, so you'll be able to feel it, kind of like moving your fingers from a non-ridged potato chip to a ridged one. Continue to provide a steady blend of clitoral and G-spot stimulation. This will pave the way for what's generally referred to as a blended orgasm.
Now we want to add in some genital massage, via stimulation of the mons pubis, which is also known as the mons veneris (Mountain of Venus), named after the Roman Goddess of love. The mons pubis is a thick pad of fatty tissue, covered in pubic hair (of course these days you're just as likely to find a mons pubis with little to no pubic hair), which forms a soft mound over the pubic bone. When you massage the mons pubis it stimulates the G-spot from above, via the adiposal tissue, and with your fingers or a sex-toy inside the vaginal canal, you're also stimulating the erectile tissue of the G-spot from below. So work both sides of her G-spot, inside and out.
In stimulating the mon pubis, start with a gentle fingertip massage, but then try pressing the base of your palm against the area. With this technique, you'll build up sexual tension (the good kind) throughout the body, as well as release pelvic tension related to stress (the bad kind).
As you massage the area of the mons pubis, also be sure to apply stimulation to the area where the pubic mound intersects with the top of the vulva (just above the head of the clitoris), known as the front commissure. The smooth area is rife with nerve endings and responds well to fingertip pressure.
Remember, with this technique of "deep-tissue orgasm," you are doing three things at once:
Enjoy the effects of your handiwork, but if you really want to make sexual history be sure to lavish every part of her body with a loving sensual massage first. Every happy ending depends on a strong beginning.