The case for self-pleasure in sex education

Written by Abigail Swoap

When it comes to self-pleasure, secrecy and shame abound. The stigma is so pervasive that back in 1994, the Clinton administration asked US Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders to resign for recommending it as a required topic in public school education. Although public discourse is more sex-positive than it was in the '90s, it’s likely that a similar proposal would still be met with backlash today. However, including self-pleasure in sex education would lessen the stigma and help young people to have healthier, safer sex. 

Here are three reasons why self-pleasure should be an integral part of sex education. 

Because self-pleasure is not taught as part of sex education and only the vast majority of parents do not talk to their kids about it, the only way that young people learn about it is either through the internet or through friends. This silence leads to secrecy and shame surrounding self-pleasure, especially among young women. Research shows that there is likely an underreporting of the practice among younger women due to stigma.

People who learn negative messages about self-pleasure often carry those feelings into adulthood. Learning about it early combats this secret-to-shame pipeline. By normalizing the idea of self-pleasure early on, educators will empower a new generation of young people who aren’t ashamed of their own bodies.

Most of the 24 states that currently require sex education programs focus only on the potential repercussions of sex, such as pregnancy and STIs. In addition to not being comprehensive enough, these prevention-based programs implicitly communicate that there is only one way to have sex: by putting a penis into a vagina. This means that LGBTQ+ youth are often completely left out of sex education. In fact, seven sex education programs across the country either prohibit discussions about about LGBTQ+ sexuality or require that they be framed negatively. 

Teaching young people about self-pleasure will widen everyone’s idea of what constitutes sex, which makes sex education more meaningful and relevant for people who don’t have P-in-V sex. Defining self-pleasure as sex with yourself is one way to make sure sex education is relevant to everyone, including LGBTQ+ youth. 

Also, a plus for programs whose focus is safe sex: self-pleasure is the safest sex there is!

In addition to influencing young people to see sex as a threat to their bodies, the prevention-based sex education framework also discourages necessary conversation about the fact that healthy sex is pleasurable sex. A more productive methodology would be to openly discuss how pleasure is integral to sex and encourage exploration to discover what is pleasurable for each individual. 

When it comes to sex education, conversation about pleasure should be essential. Having penetrative sex with a vulva requires that vulva to be properly aroused. Improperly lubricated P-in-V sex makes STIs more likely to spread (due to the increased probability of microtears in the skin) and condoms more likely to break. 

Because self-pleasure is the safest way to explore your own sexuality and learn what feels good for your body, students who receive education about self-pleasure are more likely to know the difference between pleasurable and non-pleasurable sex. 

The silence surrounding sexual pleasure also creates an expectation of pain during sex and a culture that discourages communication about painful sex with partners and healthcare professionals. 75% of cis women surveyed have experienced pain during sex, but only 50% have talked about it with their parters. 

Educating young people about solo sex will help them know what feels pleasurable and increase the likelihood that they will speak up about potentially painful sex in the future.