Why make-up sex is good

And when it can be bad

Written by Martina Orsolic

You’re in the heat of the moment, your heart rate is increasing, you feel the fire in your eyes and your words turn into legit flamethrowers. And then, all of a sudden, you start questioning the validity of your mental state and the ongoing disagreement. Sooner than you realize, those feisty moments reach a whole other dimension called intense make-up sex.

How is that even possible? What exactly happens in our brain when we decide to casually shift from a heated discussion to passionate lovemaking?


The hormones triggered during arguments are linked to our sexual desire. In other words, when you feel like your relationship is threatened, your biological instinct sees it as a red flag and becomes determined to preserve the bond. Well, sex is one of the most natural ways to accomplish that.

What actually happens in your brain is known as “arousal transfer.” As the term implies, the energy you feel from a heated discussion shifts into sexual energy, and voilà; you’re in the middle of make-up sex that feels so good

Sex is supposed to feel good but here’s the real question: Is make-up sex actually good for your relationship? 

Why is make-up sex good?

Make-up sex reminds you of your ultimate affection. Falling in a rut has become a synonym for our hectic lifestyles, so couples easily forget to celebrate their bond and embrace desire. Make-up sex allows you to redeem yourself on both mental and physical levels. Your body, mind, and soul all reunite in an attempt to apologize and reconnect with your partner. *Congratulations, your bond has been restored.* 

It deepens your intimacy. The uplifting energy of make-up sex works as a powerful remedy for your whole being. The broad spectrum of lustful-intense-redeeming emotions also deepens your intimacy. The “arousal transfer” gives you the opportunity for a new beginning. You become more aware of your connection and protective of it. 

It can help you heal. Make-up sex is most productive when combined with verbal communication, but sometimes the words are simply not enough. Physical intimacy can help you heal in a way that works as stress relief and a pause button. The release of the oxytocin gives you a sense of comfort and safety which is much needed after (and during) an argument.

It improves communication. Make-up sex is a great basis for productive conversation after an argument and intense lovemaking. Why? Because it triggers cooperation, understanding, and kindness in partners. It helps you see your relationship from a teamwork perspective. Another reason is that make-up sex helps you get rid of all the negative energy that accumulated in every fiber of your being during a heated discussion. As a result, you’re able to establish healthy communication with your partner.

Why is make-up sex (potentially) bad?

If you’re having make-up sex after every fight and using it as an alternative for making up. Practicing make-up sex after every fight is not recommended. Make-up sex should be primarily “used” for emotional reconnection after which couples should WORK through their problem(s). If you (deliberately) mistake it for making up, you risk accumulating your relationship problems and waking up in the middle of a broken relationship. 

It can make you feel uncomfortable and uneasy afterward. Yup. Sometimes, make-up sex can turn to be a not-so-enjoyable experience. Feelings of discomfort and uneasiness can make you regret intertwining your bodies. Well, if you ever regret it, know that this is a sign of unresolved issues that needs to be dealt with ASAP but this time verbally (instead of physically). 

It can result in avoiding vulnerability. Are you using make-up sex as a primary way of expressing your feelings in a relationship? I agree that sometimes words are overrated but dealing with conflicts in relationships shouldn’t be only make-up-sex-based. Talking about the problems afterward is the best method when it comes to successfully resolving issues and saving lots of time and nerves. 

If it becomes a manipulation tactic. Giving ultimatums in a relationship is a surefire way to kill the romance, annoy your partner, and regret doing all of the mentioned. If you ever become tempted to withhold sex until your partner apologizes, agrees with you, and does what you want, then you know you’re doing the whole make-up sex thing wrong. Make-up sex is not something that can be controlled because it’s influenced by your hormones and a strong desire to reconnect. So, the best you can do is allow it to flow naturally and enjoy every second of it.

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