Think fast: when was the last time you had sex? This week? Last week? Last month? Uhhhm, not so sure? If you've been spending more time Facebooking with friends than face-timing with your partner, keep reading: that little rut you're in could be on the verge of becoming a serious slump and it's time to start toning up your relationship!
Most couples fall into a sex rut every now and then. But the numbers might surprise you. In one recent poll conducted by NBC TODAY about how long people have gone without sex, 30 percent of respondents said a few months, 24 percent said a few years, and 22 percent said a whole year! According to CNN, some 41 million Americans are stuck in a sex rut. As a sex therapist and founder of Good in Bed, stats like these definitely catch my eye and this week I'll be answering your questions about relationship ruts.
Ask people why they're letting so much time pass between hookups and they'll probably tell you that they're just too tired for sex. Between juggling hectic work schedules, raising kids, and everything else you've got going on, sex is often the last thing you want to do. There's no denying that for many couples, especially parents, a good night's sleep is much more enticing.
So that's why you may not want to have sex. Here's why you should have it: Sex is good for you. Really. It rejuvenates you, relieves stress, boosts immunity, releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins, and--wait for it--improves sleep. A healthy sex life may even make you a superstar at the office: Recent research by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, suggests that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and increase self-esteem. Of course, the old adage "use it or lose it" applies to libido, too. When you go without sex for a while, levels of the critical hormone testosterone drop, in both men and women. Lower testosterone equals lower sex drive.
My answer? Just do it! Once a week minimum. Sex is a lot like exercise: It's easy to not find the time to do it, but the more you do it, the better it feels. Just like our bodies, it's easy for our sex lives to get a little flabby and we lose the desire to tone up? We tend to forget how much fun sex can be, and just having sex once a week will put you back in a regular groove, raise your testosterone levels and re-sexualize your relationship. You may not be feeling in the mood, but if you take a "try it you'll like it attitude" and have sex at least once a week, you may find yourself suddenly making time for sex on a daily basis.