I may have nearly failed out of high school algebra, but when it comes to sexual mathematics (at least multiplying female orgasms), being a sex therapist puts me at the head of the class. Today's lesson comes from the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms.
As far as many guys are concerned, if stimulating a single female orgasm is already something of a mystery, then the whole idea of multiple orgasms is like the riddle of the Sphinx! More often than not guys tend to think that a woman's potential to experience multiple orgasms has something to do with a "special capacity" or "unique ability" within her and little or nothing to do with him:Either she can or she can't.
Well, the truth is that most women can experience multiple orgasms -- as a rule, not an exception - and it has everything to do with the kind of stimulation she's receiving from her partner.
As my colleague, Emily Nagoski, writes in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms:
"What is orgasm, after all? It's the explosive release of sexual tension, when that tension crosses a certain threshold. If the orgasm fails to dissipate a bunch of that tension, then another orgasm can happen again soon, as long as you continue to add more stimulation and tension."In fact, it's often far easier for a woman to experience her second orgasm in a row than it is her first, as her genitals are still engorged and her body is still awash with the potent chemicals of sex
The innate biological capacity to achieve multiple orgasms has much to do with how women, post-orgasm, experience the resolution period and return to the pre-aroused state. Unlike men, who lose their erections quickly and go into what's called a refractory period (an interval of time that needs to pass before he can get an erection again), it takes far longer for a woman's genitals to return to their normal state.
In the book, Nagoski offers this tip:
"When that first orgasm happens, DON'T STOP. Slow down, yes, and avoid touching anything that might be over-sensitive post-orgasm (lots of women need their genitals left well alone right after orgasm), but whatever can be touched lightly, should be. Inner thighs, the ribcage, just below the breasts, the neck, behind the earlobes, lips, cheekbones -- keep the sexual excitation system engaged!"
If you can help her reach orgasm No.1, you should have very little trouble helping her to reach No. 2. The reason more women don't experience their second or third orgasm with men is for the same reason they often don't experience their first orgasm--they're not receiving appropriate clitoral stimulation, and male gratification is not being postponed.
One study conducted at the University of Wisconsin found that women who were multi-orgasmic were more likely to have partners who delayed their orgasms until after the women had their first ones.
But just because she's not having multiple orgasms with you doesn't mean she's not having them at all. Most women are able to achieve multiple orgasms with greater ease during self-pleasure. In fact, Masters and Johnson found that some women were able to reach 50 consecutive orgasms with a vibrator. It's not that these women were doing anything special in order to achieve multiple orgasms; they were simply providing themselves with the focused stimulation they require.
OK, so are you ready for that math quiz? Don't worry, it doesn't involve me, just you and your partner. But if you need a little more guidance, check out the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms.