By Madeleine Castellanos, M.D.
Most men don't think about their prostate unless there is a problem with it, and would prefer if they never had to think about it. To talk about the prostate gland is to bring up images of cancer or surgery that people would prefer to ignore. But I'm here to get you to think about the prostate in a different way. The prostate can be a source of great pleasure for those willing to venture. Those men that enjoy prostate stimulation say that it greatly enhances their pleasure and intensifies their orgasms.
Many heterosexual men have a fear of having their prostate stimulated because they may interpret any pleasure they have from it as an indication that they might be homosexual, but this is not true. Fear of interpretation of the excitement with prostate stimulation is a misunderstanding of the one's anatomy. The nerves that allow for an erection pass along each side of the prostate gland. So when the prostate is stimulated, (even by a doctor) it may lead to an erection simply because the nerves are also stimulated along with the prostate. This just means that you are normal and have sensitive nerves, nothing else. But this can be used to your advantage.
Some do not want to proceed with any prostate stimulation or anal play because they are concerned with issues of cleanliness. This issue can be resolved with either a little prep work ahead of time, or with careful clean up afterwards. Simply using the bathroom ahead of time to empty the rectal vault will suffice for most. For those who want to engage in a large amount of anal play or sex, they may choose to prep with an enema. Others prefer to just wash with soap and water on the exterior and then wash themselves afterwards. The giver of the prostate stimulation can either use a glove, or a condom over a finger, or just wash the finger carefully afterwards with soap and water, paying careful attention to clean under and around the fingernails. Making sure that fingernails are trimmed and filed smooth is also a good idea.
Once you have decided to explore the sensations with prostate stimulation, you need to prepare yourself with plenty of lube and probably a little towel. One of the most important things to remember is that the anus does not produce any lubrication of its own and the tissues are fragile. Because of this, adding lubrication is very important to prevent tearing or irritation of those tissues. You can choose to use a water-based lube which is compatible with all materials and toys, but it does dry up faster than some other lubes. For anal play and prostate stimulation, you can also try silicone-based lubes. They are also compatible with latex and other condoms, and last longer than water-based lubes. Just remember that silicone-based lubrication cannot be used with silicone-based toys because the friction between them will cause the breakdown of the toy. Many people choose to use a condom over their silicone anal toy or prostate-stimulating toy in order to use the longer-lasting silicone lube.
You can experiment with different positions, some preferring to lay on their sides with one leg bent up. Others prefer to be on all fours. Others still prefer to lay flat on their backs. Whichever position you choose, a good thing to keep in mind is to go slow and let the receiver decide the pace of the activity. By going slow, the receiver feels things more intensely, it allows for relaxation, and there is less risk of hurting your partner. Fingers are the best way to start this exploration. Start by gently stimulating the exterior part of the anus with lube by stroking back and forth or pressing gently in a circular motion. Once the receiver is comfortable with this pressure, you can begin to gently introduce the tip of the finger either with constant pressure or with gentle in and out motion. As the receiver allows, you may continue to push the finger inwards until you reach the prostate.
If you point your finger forward towards the front of his body, you will find the prostate gland about two to three inches in, depending on the person's anatomy. You will feel a rounded surface about the size of a walnut. Once you find the prostate, you can press gently on it and stroke it from side to side or make circles around it. Because the prostate is a gland, it is softer than muscle tissue and needs to be treated gently. This means that it should not be poked, jabbed, or pushed with much force. There are many blood vessels in and around the prostate and it can get bruised if not handled properly.
It also is an added bonus that on orgasm, the PC muscles which also include the anal sphincter contract around your finger, creating extra sensation for the receiver. There are also a multitude of toys made especially for prostate stimulation. If you are going to choose one, you can use your experience with your finger's position and depth as your guide for comparison. When choosing a toy, remember that silicone, stainless steel, glass and hard plastic toys are non-porous, and do not allow bacteria to penetrate so they can be cleaned thoroughly. Some of these have loops that allow you to slip your fingers in for better handling of the toy. Regardless of what you choose, any toy used anally should have a flange/widened base to prevent it from accidentally sliding in all the way.
So if you and your partner find yourself in an adventurous mood, you can begin to explore how prostate stimulation can enhance his sexual pleasure.