By Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.
Okay guys, stop all your whining and complaining for a second and listen up: If you want more sex from your wives, you have to grow up and recognize that people change, relationships change and your sex life doesn't stay the same. As a sexologist and relationship expert, the one question I'm asked constantly by guys is: "How can I get my wife to have more sex with me?" Well, I also happen to be a wife and mother of two little ones, so I'm going to give it to you straight.
OKAY, GUYS, SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE'S MY ADVICE FOR NOT SCREWING IT UP AND ACTUALLY GETTING SOME TONIGHT:
Snuggle, Don't Grope. You're in the mood, so you reach out and grab us: our breasts, butt or genitals, that is. Guys, believe me when I tell you that this is the biggest sin you can commit when trying to seduce a woman. It will not send us into an orgasmic swoon. (And, hey, if it does, you don't need my advice, right?). Neither will poking your morning erection into our backs when we're trying to sleep, or trying to take us doggie-style while we're unloading the dishwasher. These non-smooth moves don't get us all hot and bothered. They just piss us off. Instead, show your affection in ways that don't involve groping. Give us a hug and a kiss. Hold and squeeze our hand. Unload that dishwasher yourself. Women want to feel connected to our partners, just not always through our vaginas!
Don't Treat Us Like Porn Stars. A woman who greets you at the door with an impromptu blow job or anal sex? Sure, she exists (in your dreams, or, more accurately, online). But just because you can pay to watch a chick with fake boobs and a fake tan fawn all over some hairy, grunting guy doesn't mean you can treat us like some 30-second money shot. Women crave seduction. We crave pleasure. We want sex to be, well, sexy, not like some third-rate porn production. I'm not saying you won't get those little surprise treats now and then, but you've got to work for them. Luckily, the brain is our biggest sex organ, and most women have fantasy lives that leave your porn sites in the dust. You know one of the reasons why women aren't more into porn? Because almost all of it is created by men and for men, who don't have a clue about what really turns a woman on. Wanna know what does turn us on? Ask us, engage us. Which brings me to...
Do Unto Others. Want hot sex? Then you have to provide us with the kind of sex we want to have. Simply put, you've got to give as good as you get. If you want that impromptu blow job I mentioned, you've got to be willing to do the same for us. Do I need to spell it out for you? If you want us to use our mouths, you have to use yours, too! And if you do it first? All the better. Most women orgasm best from clitoral stimulation, so get down there and use your tongue to stimulate it.
Give Us Space. It seems counterintuitive, but letting your partner have some time to herself can help her recharge. Offer to watch your kids for a few hours so she can meet a friend for coffee, take a book to the beach, or relax in a bubble bath. This "time off" lets her wind down so that later she'll be ready to heat up. And by the way, watching your kids isn't "babysitting," they're your children, play with them like you mean it. Be a dad, not a bachelor. Remember, a lot of us find nothing sexier than a dad who's into his kids.
Talk, and listen. I know, I know: Many of you would probably rather clean that toilet than be forced to "communicate," but I'm not asking for an hours-long heart-to-heart here. Spending just 20 minutes connecting with your partner and listening to her talk can help her feel heard and appreciated. Avoid stressful topics like your kids, work and home and stick to larger issues like current events and the world around you. Respond with full sentences, not grunts. If you can remember and repeat something she said 12 hours later, she'll be impressed (and you'll be one step closer to sex).