Journal

Quick Question: How do I have an Orgasm During Intercourse?

Believe it or not, the clitoris is involved in pretty much all types of women's orgasms -- even if it's not directly being stimulated at the time. That's because science has made it very clear that the clitoris is much larger than meets the eye. (For starters, it extends backward into the body into two branches called "crura" that increase in size during sexual arousal.)

Even so, some women identify as being responsive to certain types of stimulation, such as being a "clit girl" (as you said). I'm assuming you mean that you tend to orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans clitoris, the part one can see from the outside and which is above the vaginal entrance. If so, then there are several ways to focus stimulation on your clitoris during orgasm.

You could, for example, touch your clitoris during intercourse (doggy-style in a yoga Table pose is good for this as is missionary, assuming you leave enough space between your two bodies). You might also consider trying out a vibrating C-ring, worn around the base of his penis with the vibrator partner on top. That way, when you move your bodies closer together during face-to-face sex, you'll be able to share in the pleasure and reap the benefits of vibration.

Speaking of positions, the Coital Alignment Technique is a gold-standard position for female orgasm, as I wrote about in my book, "Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction." It's one of the few sex positions that has been found to help make it easier for women to orgasm during sex. Essentially, it's an adaptation of missionary that involves close grinding rather than thrusting and uses his pelvic bone to massage the clitoral area.

Finally, try to focus on your experience of pleasure -- not just the goal of orgasm (which can add pressure, anxiety and feelings of Why isn't this working?). As many as one out of three women never or only rarely experience orgasm during intercourse, and there are many, many ways to experience pleasure and orgasm, so work with what you've got. 

Emergency contraception -- what a lovely thing! First, let's clear something up: The "morning-after pill" is really a misnomer. Emergency contraception (E.C.) -- like the new Ella pill just approved by the FDA -- works within five days of unprotected sex; Plan B, which currently exists, works within 72 hours.

What are the differences? Ella is available by prescription only, and it blocks the hormone necessary for pregnancy to occur. Its effectiveness is the same on any of the five days you might choose to use it.

Plan B is available to folks over the age of 17, "behind the counter," without a prescription. It's one pill, and it's basically a high dose of the hormones that are in birth control pills, so that it prevents an egg from being released. You use it when plan A fails, like when a condom breaks, you forget to take your regular birth control, non-consensual sex happens -- that sort of thing. And the sooner you take it, the more effective it is.

E.C. isn't something you'll want to take often. It disrupts your cycle, there can be side effects, it's expensive (around $40), and, well, wouldn't you rather have a more regular and surefire way to make sure you're not going to get pregnant? E.C. as soon as possible. It's effective within 72 hours, but the sooner you take it, the more likely it is that it'll work. If you're already pregnant, or a zygote (sperm + egg) has already been formed, it's not going to cause a miscarriage. This is not the same thing as the abortion pill, the one that causes a miscarriage. E.C. around just in case, so that you won't have to stress out and run around looking for it if your usual contraception ever does fail; second, go ahead and talk to your doc about the best birth control for you. It's always more favorable for plan A not to fail than to have to resort to Plan B.

Haven’t installed it yet?