By Anna Potter
In 2010, to chronicle four (very) successful years, Duke University senior Karen Owens created an extensive, 42-page PowerPoint presentation on some of the men she slept with while in college.
Hilarious, very detailed and sort of admirable (I will explain), the PowerPoint was sent out to a few friends, who then forwarded it on, and on, and on, until it reached the internet where, faster than the speed of a celebrity sex video, it has gone totally viral.
Each conquest on her hit list had his very own set of slides, complete with photos, background on the events leading up to the hookup(s), pros and cons of the hookup, and a raw score from 1-10, rating the encounter. The raw score was calculated by tallying up points for physical attractiveness (height, jaw line, and hair included), size, talent, creativity, aggressiveness, entertainment value (like sexts, dirty talk and having a great personality), athletic ability, and bonus points for things like cool accents (being Canadian takes points away apparently. What's up with that, eh?).
Ultimately, this PowerPoint reads like a very detailed black book. We get info about where the action happens (forget the bedroom, let's talk about library sex!), how long the dudes last, how large (or apparently frighteningly, disappointingly small) their members are, and some sweet shirt-free shots of the subjects. This all goes to show that, as our dear Carrie Bradshaw once said in "Sex and the City," women can, and do, talk and have sex like men. How incredibly freeing! Right?
Well, are we really being progressive when women start talking about men in the same demeaning way that men sometimes talk about women? Making fun of someone's sexuality isn't really all that cool (though there were a few men in there who sound like they deserved a wakeup call), and it might do us some good for men and women to just try to interact with and talk about each other like decent human beings. Maybe mom was right in this instance: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
All right, fair enough, but here's the other thing: Karen Owens' "thesis" is actually pretty informative for dudes who want to know what women want. Sure, you can't do anything about the texture of your hair, your height, or the size of your member, but there are things that these men got points for that are entirely within your control:
Know your way around our bodies and yours. If you don't know anything about our bodies, figure it out. There are tons of articles and books out there on what women's bodies look like, feel like, and can do, and what you can do to help us feel great. One guy from the PowerPoint was described as possessing "the ability to turn me on more with one hand than most of the Subjects possessed in their entire being." Get to work, guys.
Get a little rough. Dirty talk can be great. Sometimes we just want to be told what to do. A direct quotation: "This was the most violent sex I had ever had, in a good way." (A note: consent is key. A little dominance is great, but be sure to get a gal's OK before you get physical with her).
Compliment us. Apparently Ms. Owens has fabulous breasts, because several men told her so, and she gave them points for it. Tell us that you love our bodies. Let us know when we have phenomenal skills in the bedroom.
Remember: Sex is fun! Don't be afraid to be playful with us. She gave some points for just being cool, like not acting totally weird after a hookup, or making her laugh, sending cute and flirty text messages every once in a while, or playing MarioKart with her on Wii.
The other lesson learned from Owens' official list: Be careful what you put on the internet, especially if you want to build a reputation based on more than just the notches on your belt.