Maximizing female pleasure

By Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

When guys banter about sex among themselves, rare is the man who says, "I made love to her as subtly and lightly as a feather," but that language would be more appropriate, as the inner two-thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third.

The famous sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey once asked five gynecologists to examine the genitals of almost 900 women in order to find out which areas were the most sensitive, and he reported back: "The deep interior walls of the vagina really have few nerve endings and are quite insensitive when stroked or lightly pressed. But when gently touched on their clitorises, 98% of women were aware of it."

Numerous studies have demonstrated that women whose lovers give them direct clitoral stimulation during sexual activity are more likely to climax consistently. But because of its location, most sexual positions do not properly stimulate the clitoris. As such, sex provides efficiently for male orgasm, and inefficiently for female orgasm.

That's why when it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, oral sex should be every man's native tongue. As Dr. Alex Comfort wrote of oral pleasuring in The New Joy of Sex, "One can give a woman dozens of orgasms in this way and she may still want to go on from there."

But many women complain woefully about men's oral techniques: The lack of consistent, rhythmic pressure; their roughness; the mad stampede for the clitoris. Giving expert oral pleasure requires learning appropriate techniques and then applying them consistently over time in a focused, patient, and loving manner; most importantly, it requires respecting, sharing and participating wholly in the erotic intimacy of the moment.

To that end, we'd like to introduce you to a new approach to female satisfaction. If we were to compare oral pleasure to the martial arts, it would be tai chi rather than kung fu. The literal translation of tai chi is supreme ultimate, whereas kung fu translates as skilled achievement. Over the years, and especially in Western culture, kung fu has come to mean a style of rapid punches, sharp kicks and chopping blows. If you watch a lot of porn (and a lot of people do these days), you would think that female satisfaction relies on a "kung fu" approach to pleasuring.

Tai chi, on the other hand, is slow, focused and graceful, with an emphasis on the balance of yin/yang, male/female energy, to create a harmony of movement and strength. This unique approach to oral sex involves many of the same principles as tai chi: stillness within movement, balance and pressure, resistance and key postures.

We call this approach the Mount Method, as both men and women have a mount: a man's is the area of his upper lip just above your teeth known as the maxilla, while hers is the center of the pubic bone, where there is a slight cradle into which your mount naturally fits. Connecting your respective mounts and maintaining that persistent connection throughout the process of arousal is essential to mind-blowing oral pleasure.

For more on the mount-method, please take a look at the Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Woman.

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