The Window of Female Orgasmic Opportunity
Can't last as long as you'd like to during sex? It may not even matter. The truth is you could last longer than the director's cut of Inception,
and it wouldn't make a bit of difference if you weren't giving a woman
the right kind of stimulation. Learn a few key tricks, though, and you
can give a woman a mind-blowing orgasm with just a few minutes of
intercourse. The secret? It's all about timing.
Get in the window
When it comes to, well, coming, men and women are very different. As I discuss in my new book, The Good in Bed Guide to Overcoming Premature Ejaculation
guys have a point of what's called orgasmic inevitability. This is the
moment when you're going to pass the point of no return and climax, no
matter what. Your mom could walk in the room (we hope she doesn't), and
you wouldn't be able to stop. But women don't have orgasmic
inevitability. In fact, many women claim that they can "lose" an orgasm
when they're right on the verge of having it.
That's where the
"window of female orgasmic opportunity" comes in. This is the minute and
a half, (aka the 90-second window) when she's close to climaxing -- and
the right moves can help push her over the edge and ensure her orgasm
. Here's how:
Set the mood
Studies show that women are more likely to orgasm when comfortable and
relaxed during sex. Researchers in the Netherlands found that the key to
female arousal seems to be a deep sense of relaxation. In a study in
which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of
sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography
(PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible
for processing fear, anxiety and high emotion deactivate during sexual
activity. And at peak, during orgasm, the female brain's emotion centers
close down, producing an almost trance-like state. So do whatever you
can to make her feel at ease and less stressed.
Focus on foreplay
Next, start stimulating her biggest sex organ: the brain. Research shows
that most women fantasize during sex, probably because it helps them
relax. Share a hot fantasy -- starring her, of course. After some mental
foreplay, you should transition into some serious physical foreplay.
When it comes to premature ejaculation, never forget about foreplay.
Lots of us view foreplay as a quick round of appetizers, when we should
be thinking of it as a main course. Think clitorally rather than
vaginally; focus on stimulation as opposed to penetration. Many women
say that they climax most consistently from receiving oral sex, for
example. So start treating foreplay like its own form of lovemaking, and
give it equal -- if not more -- weight as intercourse.
It's easy to get lost in your own pleasure, but if you want to help a
woman orgasm, you have to focus on her, too. It's common for women to
turn inward when they're turned on, so don't rely on moans of pleasure
to guide your way. Instead, watch for tension in her muscles, especially
in her hands, feet and pelvis. If you're not sure, ask her to give you
a sign when she's getting close, like a squeeze of your hand.
If it seems like something's working, don't change it. When a woman is
close to climaxing, she needs consistency, not variety. Keep using your penis
hand, mouth, toy, or whatever else to provide resistance to her
clitoris while letting her do the work. This clitoral pressure is more
important for her pleasure than simply thrusting.
Get her on top
When she's ready for intercourse, pull her on top of you. Also called female-superior, it's the best sex position
for helping a woman climax because it provides clitoral stimulation.
You can also try CAT (coital alignment technique): You're on top, but
focus on deep thrusting while keeping pressure on her clitoris from your
Relax and enjoy
While you might both orgasm at the same time, it's more likely that one
of you will be first. Keep this in mind when it comes to dealing with premature ejaculation
If that's you, don't sweat it. Keep her in the window: It will take
about 90 seconds to lose your erection, so she should still be able to
climax if you're providing consistent clitoral stimulation with your
She comes first
And if she comes first? Enjoy her orgasm, and congratulate yourself on a
job well done. Most women have an innate capacity to achieve multiple orgasms, so get to work on that second one.