The Window of Female Orgasmic Opportunity

Can't last as long as you'd like to during sex? It may not even matter. The truth is you could last longer  than the director's cut of Inception, and it wouldn't make a bit of difference if you weren't giving a woman the right kind of stimulation. Learn a few key tricks, though, and you can give a woman a mind-blowing orgasm with just a few minutes of intercourse. The secret? It's all about timing.

Get in the window

When it comes to, well, coming, men and women are very different. As I discuss in my new book, The Good in Bed Guide to Overcoming Premature Ejaculation, guys have a point of what's called orgasmic inevitability. This is the moment when you're going to pass the point of no return and climax, no matter what. Your mom could walk in the room (we hope she doesn't), and you wouldn't be able to stop. But women don't have orgasmic inevitability. In fact, many women claim that they can "lose" an orgasm when they're right on the verge of having it.

That's where the "window of female orgasmic opportunity" comes in. This is the minute and a half, (aka the 90-second window) when she's close to climaxing -- and the right moves can help push her over the edge and ensure her orgasm. Here's how:

Set the mood

Studies show that women are more likely to orgasm when comfortable and relaxed during sex. Researchers in the Netherlands found that the key to female arousal seems to be a deep sense of relaxation. In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and high emotion deactivate during sexual activity. And at peak, during orgasm, the female brain's emotion centers close down, producing an almost trance-like state. So do whatever you can to make her feel at ease and less stressed.

Focus on foreplay

Next, start stimulating her biggest sex organ: the brain. Research shows that most women fantasize during sex, probably because it helps them relax. Share a hot fantasy -- starring her, of course. After some mental foreplay, you should transition into some serious physical foreplay. When it comes to premature ejaculation, never forget about foreplay. Lots of us view foreplay as a quick round of appetizers, when we should be thinking of it as a main course. Think clitorally rather than vaginally; focus on stimulation as opposed to penetration. Many women say that they climax most consistently from receiving oral sex, for example. So start treating foreplay like its own form of lovemaking, and give it equal -- if not more -- weight as intercourse.

Pay attention

It's easy to get lost in your own pleasure, but if you want to help a woman orgasm, you have to focus on her, too. It's common for women to turn inward when they're turned on, so don't rely on moans of pleasure to guide your way. Instead, watch for tension in her muscles, especially in her hands, feet and pelvis. If you're not sure, ask her to give you a sign when she's getting close, like a squeeze of your hand.

Don't stop

If it seems like something's working, don't change it. When a woman is close to climaxing, she needs consistency, not variety. Keep using your penis, hand, mouth, toy, or whatever else to provide resistance to her clitoris while letting her do the work. This clitoral pressure is more important for her pleasure than simply thrusting.

Get her on top

When she's ready for intercourse, pull her on top of you. Also called female-superior, it's the best sex position for helping a woman climax because it provides clitoral stimulation. You can also try CAT (coital alignment technique): You're on top, but focus on deep thrusting while keeping pressure on her clitoris from your pelvis.

Relax and enjoy

While you might both orgasm at the same time, it's more likely that one of you will be first. Keep this in mind when it comes to dealing with premature ejaculation. If that's you, don't sweat it. Keep her in the window: It will take about 90 seconds to lose your erection, so she should still be able to climax if you're providing consistent clitoral stimulation with your pelvis.

She comes first

And if she comes first? Enjoy her orgasm, and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Most women have an innate capacity to achieve multiple orgasms, so get to work on that second one.

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